Do you enter the examination hall or board room meeting thinking you will forget the answer, and the board room meeting might turn around as a disappointing one?

It is ordinary for anyone to experience negative thoughts to some extent. The jittery sensations in the body before the examination/meeting is a typical response of the body. However, what is nerve-wracking is if it is more than just nervousness.

People with anxiety disorders might have more than just feelings and sensations. For example, they continuously worry about the future. There aren’t negative thoughts but a train of thoughts that impair concentration. There are attention difficulties and massive tension headaches. There is an uncomfortable feeling that nothing is controllable, and everything is uncertain. When sitting for an examination or a meeting, legs shake restlessly, and hands tremble in fear. Often, either forgetting occurs or avoidance takes place. People experiencing anxiety find themselves more often in the washroom so they could vomit the unpleasant tension than attending to their chore.

People around could ask to relax. It often goes unheard. Going for a walk seems to be a hoax and the entire day revolves around competing thoughts and a racing heart. Eyes begin to move from left to right from time to time. Not only is one unable to read written text, but there are also churning sounds from the stomach. Palms become so sweaty, leaving no scope to message a friend for help, and the mouth becomes dry. It feels like something terrible is going to happen.

Some people feel dizzy, while others feel numb. Some people prefer walking faster, while others feel incapable of doing anything. There are palpitations, apprehensions, and frantic breathing. Sometimes people think that they will die, and sometimes people need to become compulsive actors. Some people continuously worry about anything and everything under the sun. It stops them from talking with other people. It confuses them.

Unfortunately, sometimes we misread nervousness as anxiety. However, anxiousness has extreme and severe forms. Further, it can have many types – Generalized anxiety disorder, Obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, and phobia. I will post about these soon.

#anixetydisorder #mentalhealth #nervousness #anxiousness #mentalwellbeing #generalizedanxietydisorder #GAD

“Children are not things to be molded but are people to be unfolded”~ Author Jess Lair

What they see as children, they do that as adults. If a child sees violence it may become violent. If a child sees care it may become caring. As an adult, we can evaluate right or wrong behavior, but as children acceptance comes from parents and society.

The boy next door has turned out to become an aggressive adult.

The adult does not require fixing. Instead, let us support the child in him who needs attention.

Parenting does not come with a manual. It comes with a unique mindset. Our attachment with our parents allows us to connect with other people. Look at it this way - the basement is created first when constructing a building. Afterward, other floors are made. The basement is the toughest construct. It holds the building together. Any crack or lose association at this level is consequential. It can cause the structure to fall. Our childhood is just like the basement.

Therapists explore parental neglect as a source of insecure attachment. Society always has sides to take. We understand parental neglect focused on the mother. We either see women as career-oriented or marital discord between parents as a source of child neglect. However, there are other less visible forms of child neglect. For example, leaving behind a two-month-old infant with grandparents for a vacation, asking a boy to man up for crying and, cornering a six-year-old child for being angry.

It is the motherly touch that creates attachment. For every cry when hungry, the infant misses its safety keeper, the mother. It is the touch and smell of the mother that allows infants to feel safe.

Even at six-years, children are still interpreting the world around them with support from elders. Instead of asking the child what makes them angry, leaving them to get over it by themselves is unrealistic. It sends a message to the child that “I am unwanted” Similarly, mocking boys for crying is depriving them to experience all the emotions. Instead, we should tell children that crying is a way to vent emotions. We, as a society, need to change our phrases from “don’t be angry” to “it is okay to feel angry. Learn to express anger”.

It is critical to understand it is not a single episode, which creates such feelings. Now imagine yourself as a young boy who was deprived of food at the time of hunger, was cornered for feeling angry, and witnessed your mother experiencing physical abuse. You grew up believing the world is an unsafe place. To take up different roles in life, you experience the same thought along with other responsibilities. It is like keeping a bag of burden safe when you’re yearning for a safe space within you.

Let’s create unique safe spaces for children than fit them into existing ones!

#childhood #mentalhealth #parenting #children #mentalwellbeing #buildingyears

Every time a rape incident occurs which is brutal, people in the society are filled with rage. It should be this way and no other way. But, have we thought about why do we become angry when it is severe trauma caused to a life?

There are women in India who get sexually assaulted every three seconds and physically beaten every ten seconds. Worldwide, girls have been raised by their parents with restrictions. We have been living in a society that cannot trust the actions of its members. Is this the society you’ve dreamt?

It is true that men also experience abuse. How many times have we talked about it? Or are we waiting for it to become rape culture for men too because certainly women do not have it any other way?

I was filled with anger and rage when I read about another brutal rape. But, I didn’t have the energy as a woman to talk about it before this.

Dear Society and our government – We women are tired of wanting to feel safe. It is from our birth our parents become vigilant creatures who cannot celebrate the birth of a daughter. Instead, our parents enlisted rules – do not step out after 7 pm, wear clothes so that men don't get provoked, don’t speak with my brother’s friends, look down when you walk, and be conscious if you gain weight. We have grown up believing we are a piece of meat that will be preyed upon forever. We can be of any age, it doesn’t matter. We just need to have a vagina.

People are talking about consent. People are discussing mental health. You know what is bothering me the most – when an ordinary girl told her parents that I don’t like the way my cousin looks at me, nobody cared. That is what is alarming. This is where we needed to STOP. We should have acted then, look where we are now.

Mothers who shut their daughters, fathers who beat their girls, teachers who ignore their students’ plea, and cousins, uncles, and friends who take advantage of children – They are all at fault. We as a society have failed. Two days to the news of Hatharas girl dying – everyone started posting on social media.

Is our anger only relevant to show on social media platforms? Are protests the only way to deal with this?

We elected people who failed. We as a society have failed. Some of us know that we don’t obey rules and norms, then we curse the government for poor execution. I am not sure who is to blame here – men, government, women, or maybe – ALL OF US. We are equally at fault.

We waited for a Nirbhaya and Hathras case to speak against something which has been happening silently over the years.


An Unsafe Daughter of India