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Everyone has heard this statement once in their life. It could be simply said for crying. This phrase is more than just asking people to let-go and move-on. It is accusing the other person of pretentious behavior. Imagine saying this to a cancer patient. You wouldn’t because cancer is acceptable. The infected area of the body may not be visible to the naked eye. Yet, cancer is acceptable and without knowing if it causes aches or pains, people accept it. Weeping for a physical ailment is easier than mental illness. Mental illnesses are considered invisible to the naked eye. They lack prominent physical characteristics or we are ignorant about such symptoms.

One of the common physical manifestations for mental illnesses and overwhelming emotions is self-harm. The act of hurting oneself or inflicting pain on oneself. Besides depression and bipolar disorder, there are people with borderline personality disorder and impulse control disorders who engage in deliberate self-harm. Also, it is most commonly seen in students as a romanticized notion to display love.

Family members and friends often see this act as pretentious and dramatic. Our society fails to review self-harm as a psychological concern. It is alarming that school students indulge in self-harming acts. Hurting oneself is not a pretentious act. Weeping is not being dramatic. Instead, not doing anything about it is problematic.

Self-harm is not pretentious, ignoring it, is.

Mental illness is not dramatic, our reaction to it, is.

Self-harm can be an expression of frustration, anger, hurt, disappointment, shame, guilt, and other overwhelming emotions. Deliberate self-harm is a sign, a warning, which is misinterpreted. It is not attention-seeking behavior. Instead, it is attention for help.

A thirteen-year-old teenager will hurt themselves not for attention. Teenage is vulnerable because of the transitions and changes adolescents experience. The idea of self-harm itself is alarming. The problem is not within the child, the problem is within our society. We ignore the act of self-harm by assuming it is attention-seeking. We are jumping to a conclusion without even asking the right question.

“What thought led behind hurting themselves?” – a thought today will turn into an action tomorrow!

Self-hurting must require an intolerable need to inflict pain on oneself. None of us like to be in unpleasant situations. It must be extremely unbearable that it took a self-inflicted injury to lessen the degree of pain.

There are other myths regarding people who self-harm. Imagine your friend is hurting themselves and you tell them you feel threatened by their action. It is important to acknowledge self-harm as a way of coping for some people. It can be a maladaptive method just like smoking. It becomes addictive. Strangely, people think it is part of youth culture to hurt themselves. The problem is not with the youth, the problem is with our society. Just like rape is normalized so is self-harm. It is not a phase, which will be gone naturally. It is an outward expression of emotions. We tell children what not to do, when will the time come to tell them what to do?

We’re so stuck at believing that self-harm equals ending a life, that we totally miss that it could also mean to self-associate. Sometimes people feel their thoughts and feelings are unreal. They feel disconnected from their inner self. There is a disconnection between the mind and the body. Instead of feeling dissociative, they self-associate. Association means a connection between similar things. Similarly, self-association is like re-connecting oneself or a broken sense of self.

Self-harm can lead to accidental suicide. If nothing else, it should be the fear of losing a loved one that we understand self-harm has a psycho-emotional basis.

People self-harm because it is the best-known method to deal with overpowering emotions and issues. Self-harm should be a sign of feeling threatened by stressful situations and intense emotions. By self-harm, people are not threatening you!


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  • Sanjoni

Updated: Jul 24

Hey Predators!

I’m sure you’re doing well. I’m sure you think you’re doing better than me. I’m pretty sure this society has let you live in peace.

Whenever I’m in a challenging situation, I remind myself it couldn’t get worse than you over my body. I don’t freak out anymore seeing shadows walking behind me. Instead, I tell myself as long as the shadow is not any one of you, I am safe. Walking in the outside world, if someone stares at my body, I stop them there and then. When women tell me to not wear revealing clothes, I confidently walk away. For every argument that you yelled at me, I learned the right way of expressing myself. The account of your slaps is countless with me. The marks of your ego are all over my body. It keeps me in check to love myself. None of those wounds hurt anymore. I’m tolerant of new injuries as your tight grip toughened my bare skin.

You did what I can’t ever do to anyone, hate their appearance and body. Body shaming came so naturally to you. You called girls ugly, dark-skinned, fat, and unlovable. You taught me bullying isn’t a student-driven concept. Instead, what people find missing in themselves, they see them as faults in others. I easily accept my limitations than finding faults in others. To love is to trust but by doubting, you taught me an important lesson. Everyone you meet isn’t inspiring. While some people become role models, others act as warning signs. We learn what shouldn’t be done and you were my warning sign. Your unpredictable moods made me take self-control in regulating my moods.

One of you crossed the boundaries of our relationship but opened my eyes to heartbreaking truth of reality. This society lets you breathe freely. Conversely, they want me to cut off my wings. They still believe men do these things so, I should have been more careful. I wonder what would they tell boys who are assaulted?

This society is a bigger predator than all of you. What you didn’t do was done by this society. It convinced me that I can self-protect myself from you and them. I learned to stand for myself and I am standing against all odds. You deprived me of consenting, and I make sure to ask even before sharing my feelings in front of anyone. Sometimes when I re-experience those moments, it feels like I’m stuck between a victim and a survivor. The terrible times with all of you are gone, this shall pass too!

I would have preferred the education system, my parents, or teachers to familiarize me with concepts of self-reliance, assertiveness, courage, and humanity. Nevertheless, the body you damaged couldn’t hurt my soul. I know, society will always find a reason to save you. They couldn’t save the innocent lives you preyed upon, so they took the easy road, they saved you.

I’m happy that I feel disconnected from this society. It has a place for all of you. I’m glad I don’t fit in; I’m an outlier in a world, which accepts each one of you!

I’m sure you’re as disconnected from this society as I am. For it doesn’t understand any of us. It doesn’t understand that it wasn’t my fault and it surely doesn’t understand that you learned this from them. I’m sorry for the days you were bullied and no one stood by you. I’m extremely sorry for the poor childhood you experienced for lack of attention and deprivation. I’m sorry you’re lonely and only displaying power over someone can make you feel better. You did what you saw and learned. For all those days that your father beat your mother, you understood that women are born to be suppressed. For all the classmates in school and college who cornered you, you realized it was acting powerful that could save you. You took out all your anger on me and I’m glad that our society lets you live freely.

It wasn’t your fault predator. You fell in the trap of a society, which accepts staring, stalking, teasing, molestation, assault, and rape.

Best,

The Insane Mind

#MentalHealth #Abuser #Trauma #Abuse #Survivor #Blog #Mind #Insane #Predators #Society #Rape #Molestation #SexualAbuse #PhysicalAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #Support #Victim

#RapeCulture

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  • Sanjoni

Updated: Jun 26

Actor Sushant Singh Rajput's recent death by suicide seems to have surprised people across the globe. Numerous questions are being asked. Some of the media agencies have taken the liberty to comment upon the professional politics that has caused this heartbreaking incident. The actor's friends and colleagues have posted on social media painting a positive picture regarding his personality. His loyal followers have questioned his decision to look at his celebrated profile in the entertainment industry. Last but not the least, everyone in the country has felt this as a personal loss.

An actors' death brought in the wave of another pandemic – the crisis of mental health!

Like everyone else, this news was shocking to me however it was an acceptable event. We seem to have missed the death attempts and deliberate self-harm other than those of celebrities. It could be taking place due to any reason but it existed much before actor Sushant Singh Rajput decided to die by suicide.

School and college students, unemployed young adults, survivors of abuse, and women are vulnerable people who have engaged in self-harm and attempted suicide. People with mental health conditions are always outcasted for suicide and self-harm. School and college students end up losing their life as part of a romanticized notion of expressing love, bullying, and discrimination by peers or teachers, fulfilling expectations of parents, and are unknown to the idea of self-care.

In India, unemployment is a permanent friend to people than a person. There seems to be a lack of financial security which makes people less independent. The feeling of losing independence also brings in feeling powerless. The feeling to not be in control and lose power can create experiences of helplessness in people. Similar helplessness is experienced by survivors of abuse (men and women) who have been deprived of the power of consenting. At last, women who seem to struggle for their equal rights and position in the country have been at the receiving end of female infanticide and domestication. Since years suicides have been alarming but a hype was created because a man who was celebrated and assumed to have it all attempted the act.

There were less celebrated actors like Jiah Khan and the mental health was not even mentioned at that time. It is almost like we have a problem with the ordinary, average, or moderate. While we aim to strike a balance in our life, we seem to reject the average in us. Filmstars are human beings too!

The professional and personal lives of filmstars are diffused. The boundaries between the two lives are celebrated equally. It is still possible to have a private space in that person which remains unknown to others. Just like in our lives, it is possible in their life. Similar to the sense of belongingness we need, we also look-out for private safe space to let the mask off. The mask from the responsibilities of different roles we play in our life. Sushant Singh Rajput would have also had his self-goals, relationship goals, professional goals, and a past.

Financial insecurity and mental health condition of the actor have been highlighted since the beginning of this news. We are doing exactly what we did when he was alive. We are finding a reason to accept his absence when we should mourn his loss. One step at a time. His presence was never a reason enough to know about his lifestyle, childhood, interests, and maladaptive patterns that possibly could have allowed someone to reach out to him. A person in a state of mind where they think of attempting to suicide or self-harm is not thinking rationally. Isn't it unreasonable on our part as a society to tell them to reach out to us? We need to learn reach-in than ask someone to reach-out.

A conventional person struggles to reach-out, it must have been so overwhelming for a high-profile person like Sushant Singh to find a space to share. Other than work, emotions, and mental health there is a biological functioning of the person which is the core. Interestingly, it has gone unnoticed how the biological operations of our body have been disregarded from this practice. Mostly, celebrated film stars, comedians, musicians, and other entertainers have a dysregulated schedule. They work odd hours which disturbs the original sleep cycle and food intake. They compensate for their energy and performance using substances. These also alter personality and moods. Some of them follow routines such as exercising regime, healthy food, and mediation to feel calm.

There are roles they have to gain weight and immediately reduce those extra pounds which is not easy in the usual lifestyle. Their work is such that physical appearance makes all the difference. This induces a discrepant feeling between the real and perceived self. This difference is not only for the audience, but it also plays a role in their mind. In the end, all that there is Sushant Singh Rajput has his version of self which wasn't the masked one. It struggled and to release that pain he attempted to the ordinary method of hanging himself just like you and me!


#Suicide #actor #celebritysuicide #sushantsinghrajput #death #diedbysuicide #mentalhealth #blog #mentalillness #stigma #society

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