I’m sure you’re doing well. I’m sure you think you’re doing better than me. I’m pretty sure this society has let you live in peace.
Whenever I’m in a challenging situation, I remind myself it couldn’t get worse than you over my body. I don’t freak out anymore seeing shadows walking behind me. Instead, I tell myself as long as the shadow is not any one of you, I am safe. Walking in the outside world, if someone stares at my body, I stop them there and then. When women tell me to not wear revealing clothes, I confidently walk away. For every argument that you yelled at me, I learned the right way of expressing myself. The account of your slaps is countless with me. The marks of your ego are all over my body. It keeps me in check to love myself. None of those wounds hurt anymore. I’m tolerant of new injuries as your tight grip toughened my bare skin.
You did what I can’t ever do to anyone, hate their appearance and body. Body shaming came so naturally to you. You called girls ugly, dark-skinned, fat, and unlovable. You taught me bullying isn’t a student-driven concept. Instead, what people find missing in themselves, they see them as faults in others. I easily accept my limitations than finding faults in others. To love is to trust but by doubting, you taught me an important lesson. Everyone you meet isn’t inspiring. While some people become role models, others act as warning signs. We learn what shouldn’t be done and you were my warning sign. Your unpredictable moods made me take self-control in regulating my moods.
One of you crossed the boundaries of our relationship but opened my eyes to heartbreaking truth of reality. This society lets you breathe freely. Conversely, they want me to cut off my wings. They still believe men do these things so, I should have been more careful. I wonder what would they tell boys who are assaulted?
This society is a bigger predator than all of you. What you didn’t do was done by this society. It convinced me that I can self-protect myself from you and them. I learned to stand for myself and I am standing against all odds. You deprived me of consenting, and I make sure to ask even before sharing my feelings in front of anyone. Sometimes when I re-experience those moments, it feels like I’m stuck between a victim and a survivor. The terrible times with all of you are gone, this shall pass too!
I would have preferred the education system, my parents, or teachers to familiarize me with concepts of self-reliance, assertiveness, courage, and humanity. Nevertheless, the body you damaged couldn’t hurt my soul. I know, society will always find a reason to save you. They couldn’t save the innocent lives you preyed upon, so they took the easy road, they saved you.
I’m happy that I feel disconnected from this society. It has a place for all of you. I’m glad I don’t fit in; I’m an outlier in a world, which accepts each one of you!
I’m sure you’re as disconnected from this society as I am. For it doesn’t understand any of us. It doesn’t understand that it wasn’t my fault and it surely doesn’t understand that you learned this from them. I’m sorry for the days you were bullied and no one stood by you. I’m extremely sorry for the poor childhood you experienced for lack of attention and deprivation. I’m sorry you’re lonely and only displaying power over someone can make you feel better. You did what you saw and learned. For all those days that your father beat your mother, you understood that women are born to be suppressed. For all the classmates in school and college who cornered you, you realized it was acting powerful that could save you. You took out all your anger on me and I’m glad that our society lets you live freely.
It wasn’t your fault predator. You fell in the trap of a society, which accepts staring, stalking, teasing, molestation, assault, and rape.
The Insane Mind
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