“Just make a list of five things you are grateful for every day. You’ll be surprised to see the list never ends!”

To have gratitude for so many things that one has can enforce positive elements in life. For a person battling with depression, anxiety, or a personality disorder such as borderline, it is useful to use the power of gratitude in your life.

In a depressive state when negative feelings trap you completely, it is then that we consciously start listing out things, relationships, and opportunities we are grateful for. It wouldn’t miraculously change a condition you are suffering but it would definitely give you a way forward.

Think and imagine, a person you love dies by suicide tomorrow. The first thing people would believe is that life is a precious gift and one should completely celebrate it. So, the first thing to do when you wake up is to thank yourself and the universe for keeping you alive. And, then you realize, you are healthy, safe, and able. These are things to be grateful for because it isn’t about what you don’t have, it’s about what you have. It is about your ability during a crisis.

Recently, I read somewhere that when you’re sick and you focus on the sickness, it doesn’t go away. It rather stays. Similarly, when you are down and out, feeling like you are not good enough for your friends and family. Take a minute and thank yourself for living despite struggling every single minute. Thank your-self for your body that offers support, thank your mind for not giving up, and be thankful that you may be suffering but are able!

I tried making a list of things that I’m grateful for and I realized – I was holding onto a version of myself I disliked without appreciating a strong version of myself, which exists. I was hoping to have a stronger sense of self-giving away the different versions. Sometimes, you have to thank yourself before anyone else does that to you!

#positivepsychology #optimism #hope #attraction #mentalhealthandcopingskills #gratitude #mentalwellbeing

  • Sanjoni

Khud se darr lagne lagaa hai,

Beetien huye kal ko bhool jaane mein

Aane wala kal bhi beet raha hai

Kis ko bulao, kis se do-chaar baat karo

Koi padosi ki baat pe naraaz hai,

Aur koi khud se rutha hua hai,

Main toh sirf ek tamaasha hoon

Aaj tere liye, kal sab ke liye

Mann udaas nahi bechain sa hai,

Aankhein bhari nahi, pareshaan hai,

Dil dhadakta hai par jeene ke liye nahi

Marna bhi ab ek khwaab hai

Yeh akelapan bhi ek saathi hai

Jis se dosti karleta hai

Toh nibhana bhi jaanta hai,

Insaan bhool jaye par yeh parchhai hai

Andheron mein saaf dikhta hai

Din mein yeh chhup jaata hai

Kabhi kabhi lagta hai ki sab ek brahm hai

Lekin phir yaad aajata hai

Jab gam ke nishaan sab taraf ho

Toh insaan andar se sirf toot jaata hai

Ek darr aur bhi lagta hai,

Kya main paagal toh nahi?

Jo aaj mein rehkar bhi

Samay ko ulta ginta hoon!

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Will, I ever become well or like my husband says improve? I’m lost today – there is absolute blankness. When I talk about being blank, I am actually referring to my thoughts. How is it that I am numb to feeling emotions right now when all my brain does is confuse me with thoughts. Let’s be clear – negative thoughts. I’m not able to think about memories that usually never leave my mind. My usual behaviour comes from my brain not letting me rest even for a single minute. It makes me experience depression for brief episodes when I recall instances of my abuse. My mind makes me feel anxious when I believe my brain - telling me that my family and friends are going to leave me. And, I am elated for the time left that I survived another day without breaking down.

What sort of life am I living in? People have real problems like financial issues, job difficulties. Look at me, I am struggling to feel genuinely happy. Today, during my shower I thought to myself – “what if my husband leaves me?” This was certainly not a single thought. It was the start to the chain of thoughts – “will I ever be able to trust anyone?”, “Does anyone love me the way I am?” and “I can’t tell anyone how I feel!”

One minute there are so many thoughts and the next minute – I’m lost. My legs are shaking, and I’m trying hard to hold onto the last thought before my mind goes blank again. I’ve always told everyone how I fear abandonment. It isn’t just physical. No! Not if my husband left our marriage but what if he emotionally distances from me. What if my parents don’t love me? What if I am not good enough for any of my friends?

Isn’t it strange to feel so much and then feel nothing? My world is so black and white in thought – either you love me or you don’t. And then, I oddly feel a rollercoaster of emotions every minute. It is like feeling a different emotion every hour. Life may become static, not my mood!

The heart is beating faster, eyes are watery, and I can only think of expressing myself as lonely. Loneliness isn’t feeling left alone by others. I’m talking about the loneliness where one feels distant from within. When you’re not connected to your own mind and body, you will surely feel lonely on the outside. It is not just people and their absence which makes me feel lonely. My mind is so cluttered and de-cluttering it requires effort during which I experience breakdowns and dramatic display of emotions.

You know what – “I’m really tired of trying to improve. Maybe it’s okay if my husband leaves me and parents don’t love me. I can deal with the abandonment & loneliness. I am okay if I’m not good enough… I’m depressed, anxious, & crazy; just not normal like others”

#mentalhealth #mentalwellbeing #happiness #mentalillness #mentaldisorder #thoughts #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #loneliness

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